Brits Awards: The real winners and losers

There were puppets. There were pyrotechnics. And a house fell down. All in all, it was a pretty eventful Brit Awards.

David Bowie won the biggest prizes, while The 1975 and Beyonce also took home trophies. But the winners are only half the story.

Who surpassed themselves? Who embarrassed themselves?

These were the real winners and losers at the O2 arena.

Most bewildered winners

When Little Mix won best single, they took so long to find the podium that organisers had to play their intro music twice.

“I’m sorry it took so long to get up here,” said a taken aback Perrie Edwards.

“We didn’t know where to go because we didn’t think we were going to get it,” explained Jade Thirlwall. “We were just sitting chinwagging.”

Most spectacular fall

Katy Perry sang her new single surrounded by dancers dressed as white houses, while skeletal mannequins of Theresa May and Donald Trump stalked across the stage.

As the song reached its climax, one of the houses missed their footing and fell off the stage on to a spectator below.

Yes, she brought the house down.

• Brit Awards 2017 as it happened
• David Bowie dominates, grime loses out
• Red carpet glamour
• Ceremony in pictures
• Wham! stars unite for George Michael tribute
• Brit Awards 2017: Winners in full

Best Star Wars tribute

Simon Neil of Biffy Clyro arrived in a bright red poncho that immediately made us think of the Emperor’s Royal Guards in Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi.

“The Emperor’s Guards? I’ll take that,” he laughed.

“I’d also take ‘Red Carpet Man’ or ‘Red Riding Dude.'”

Worst transport option

The winner, for the eighteenth consecutive year, was “any road vehicle”. An accident in the Blackwall tunnel left dozens of pop stars scrambling to get to the O2 arena on time.

Bastille hopped on the tube while Charli XCX caught a cable car with her manager, who is petrified of heights.

Holly Willoughby’s husband Dan used the delay to catch some extra sleep – representing all the working parents out there.

Least iconic performance by a Brits Icon

Robbie, Robbie, Robbie. What were you thinking? When the Brits give you their highest honour, you turn up and play the hits.

Here’s what we wanted: Let Me Entertain You. Rock DJ. No Regrets. Feel. Angels.

Here’s what we got: Welcome to the Heavy Entertainment Show. I Love My Life. Mixed Signals.

Biggest lump in your throat

The three remaining members of Wham! appearing on stage to pay tribute to George Michael was tough to watch. Pepsi and Shirlie choked back the tears as they remembered their “beloved friend”, while Andrew Ridgeley said it “felt like the sky had fallen in”.

“Music has magical power and George knew that,” said Helen ‘Pepsi’ De Macque.

“He understood love, loss, happiness and grief… he lives on in his music and in our hearts, and I will never forget my wonderful friend.”

Chris Martin’s performance of A Different Corner was equally moving. And what a nice touch to include a clip of Prince – an artist who supported George throughout his battles with Sony – in the video montage during the song.

Best collaboration

Ed Sheeran and Stormzy were the only act who managed to get the music industry executives up on their feet at the O2 Arena.

The unlikely duo were premiering a remix of Ed’s Shape Of You – currently the UK’s number one single. After the performance, Ed announced the duet would get an official release this Friday.

Worst stage diving

Bono-in-training Chris Martin jumped off the stage into a braying crowd of Brit School students during an ebullient performance of the new Chainsmokers / Coldplay collaboration Something Just Like This.

Of course, the problem with stage diving in the smartphone era is everyone’s so busy trying to get a selfie that no-one bothers to catch you, as Chris soon discovered.

Most effusive pop star

Wiley, the Godfather of Grime, was on cloud nine as he walked the Brits red carpet, happily chatting to anyone who crossed his path.

“Oh, man. It’s an honour to be here,” he said. “I watch it on telly usually. But right now, I’m here.”

The star was over the moon to see fellow grime stars Skepta, Kano and Stormzy nominated, but he was equally bowled over by all the pop acts – telling the BBC about Katy Perry’s work ethic (“she’s like bam, bam, bam; jet after jet after jet”) before declaring his devotion to Little Mix.

“I love Little Mix… Little Mix are crazy. They’re sick.

“I listen to everything. Have to, have to. I used to watch Top of the Pops thoroughly. So I like Kylie and Jason, too.”

Most coat

Brooklyn Beckham wore an oversized coat, presumably to distract from his missing fingers on his left hand, as he stepped out on the red carpet.

The son of David and Victoria Beckham used the statement jacket to hide his sling after breaking his collarbone during a snowboarding holiday.

Most high-pressure dinner

Bradley Walsh – yes, that Bradley Walsh, the one who hosts ITV gameshow The Chase – had last year’s biggest-selling debut album.

Chasing Dreams, a collection of songbook classics, outsold the likes of Zayn Malik and Jack Garratt… begging the question, will there be a sequel?

“I’m sitting on Sony Music’s table tonight, so I’m going to find out if I get a second album there,” he told the BBC.

“They’re my bosses, so I’ve got to go and sit in there and make sure I eat with the right cutlery and all that stuff”.

But fans of the star’s distinctly old-school tunes might be in for a surprise if Sony do greenlight that record.

“Wiley just came over and gave me a big hug. And then Stormzy came up and put his arms around me and said, ‘Great to see you, man. I love you.’

“So I’m now going to release a grime album. That is what I’m going to do.”

Strangest proposal

France’s Christine and the Queens – aka Heloise Letissier – had one of the breakout pop albums of last year, earning her a nomination in the best International female category alongside Rihanna and the two Knowles sisters, Beyonce and Solange.

She (correctly) predicted she would lose to one of them. But she felt a familial bond with her fellow nominees.

“If they can adopt me, I wouldn’t be against it,” she said. “I would probably be the weird cousin at the table but why not? I’m up for it.”

Worst celebrity encounter

“I just bumped into Katy Perry,” Bastille’s Dan Smith told the BBC. “That’s not your everyday thing. I had to have a conversation with her. I was really awkward.

“Everyone was shouting ‘Dan, Dan, Dan’, so I tried to make an Alan Partridge joke. I think it went a little bit over her head.”

Katy, if you’re reading this, here’s what he was on about.

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